[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

I like all of you. We are brothers and sisters in suffering and madness.
 
Jene, die im Geist zerrüttet sind, leben näher an der Erkenntnis, als jene, die niemals das Licht ohne die Finsternis gesehen haben.
 
Those who are broken inside live closer to knowledge than those who have never seen the light without the darkness.

@Great Plateau  
I dont even say happy b day to ppl I like. so it’s nothing personal.
 
Note that I wasn’t disagreeing with your post.
 
Also, I don’t hate you and its true. I see no reason to.

I feel like sleeping with my revolver again. Not really super depressed but neutral. I’m honestly just tired of being me and knowing that it doesn’t matter what I do, and that I’ll always be this way. I would pretty much accept illegal drugs into my system just to change how I think and feel if I could. Unfortunately alcohol just makes me paranoid and really angry afterwards.
 
And also, there’s plenty of people I don’t like on this site. Mostly because I’m envious that they get all the praise for being cool and gloating how great they are and how much they just love their many friends. Some I just dislike because they’re dicks; plain and simple. I don’t live to love everyone and I don’t have to.

@TempFizzle  
I’ve noticed there seems to be relationships on here, and their buddy gets passed off as jail bait for their free ticket to friendship.
 
It’s all bullshit and they got each other by the balls. Really!
 
 
It’s a fruitless effort but I help who I can.

I don’t think I’ll ever post in the happy vent in a long time. I have nothing to be happy about and I’m in a pretty foul mood.

@Badheart  
I don’t follow at all.

Turns out I was just dehydrated. The black lips was dried blood from cracking,
 
Back to a hundred percent. Worried about nothing. Now they got me on some kinda benzo.

Another day wasted.

I regret talking shit about life/god.
 
There is nothing life can be compared to.
 
Also I don’t mean to ignore, I just get nervous trying to help others, when their situation could be a lot worst.
 
 
@TempFizzle  
I try to make a goal for the next day, but I’m a chronic procrastinator.
 
 
@Labyrinthine  
Someone wanting to help isn’t the end of the world. It’s a shame we only conjugate in such a dank forum.  
@Badheart  
Pendereki got stuck in my head after a particularly low bender. Shrieking violins.
 
@DarkObsidian  
I can always appreciate a stoic POV.
 
 
@tehwatever  
I forget family birthdays. It doesnt make me feel good.

I hate it when I hesitate. When I do, I know myself well enough that I won’t do anything. And that means I give up on something.
 
So I try my best not to hesitate at anything anymore. Just go out there and do it, consequences be damned.

I’d like to avoid this thread.
 
I’m a man, nobody cares about my suffering.

@Badheart  
Yeah, I don’t know why I come here.
 
If nobody in my real life gives a shit, why would unknown strangers on a website give a shit?

@Labyrinthine  
It’s a cruel mind game to even have this thread on our page. We are far too honest. Perhaps everyone is suicidal, they prefer a lying smile over a truthful tear.

Life tip: don’t expect people to care and help, especially when one is ungrateful that someone tried.
 
Like I said, it doesn’t matter what you say or do because we’re just words on a screen with no actual expression of physical emotion. It’s just a place to speak of dark things such as depression, suicide or death, for example.

I managed to shut my mind off from depression tonight, except the pain in my chest and being incredibly mentally exhausted. I just thought to myself: “I won’t live to be old” so it put me at ease. I can shut my eyes and try to forget everything around me, because in all honesty, nothing matters.
 
Once I start noticing how happy other people are around me, I completely nullify the thought out. I stop giving a shit. I’ve always been labeled, stared at, questioned, bullied, abused, etc. all because I don’t walk the fine line of human social standards. All that does is make me resent people. People don’t usually realize that every little negative thing they say to someone can cause all the built up tension to snap on something or someone. Here for example, people usually leave me be because they don’t get what it’s like or they try to shape me to be what they accept and get angry because I’m me; no one can change that. I’m no one’s friend and I don’t want any, because of the loss I’ve already endured and because of the unlikelihood anyone understanding. Let me live my short life on this planet in peace.

The fact that I post here indicate inner turmoil. I have voices in my head that just don’t stop giving me anxiety, insecurity and depression.
 
I’m a walking contradiction. I don’t want ppl near me so I can be “left in peace” but once I am alone my own thoughts torture me, leaving me restless.
 
I get angry when ppl ignore me, and I argue with ppl who doesn’t ignore me. My reasoning for arguing, is that I want to hear ppl prove me wrong. To convince me, forcefully, that I’m not a useless sack of flesh and bones.
 
I realize I’m asking way too much of ppl.

Never trust someone that says “It will get better” or “I care” and a few other things I cant remember. Yeah they get better eventually but it doesn’t stay that way and sometimes just gets worse.

I think I should permanently delete my Twitter account.

@Flutter_Lover  
What happened?

@Shylover  
It’s Twitter!
 
I only use it to see what Tabitha is saying.

@Badheart  
Okay. I know it’s Twitter. But I was just asking him what happened, because I hope it wasn’t something serious, or maybe he got annoyed by a few things/tweets or so, I don’t know. I deleted my Twitter account back on 2018 due to the issues that I had from the negativity.

@Badheart  
It’s not that. I just feel…..like I’m not there.

@Flutter_Lover  
Oh. I’m sorry about that.