[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

not sure if this counts as depressing  
well definitely not suicidal but has anyone had those strange out of body experiences when sleeping  
so surreal

@cm26  
Taking meletonin before bed? If you take a bit more than you need it can result in a parasomnia which is sometimes reported as an out of body experience. If so, make a note of that amount, because if you double it things get odd. Whether that’s “good odd” or “bad odd” depends on a lot of variables though. Like, psychotics report a benefit from 20mg or more of melatonin at night, while those who don’t present with psychosis may experience something akin to a night terror where they feel awake, yet “trapped” in their bodies. Bipolars on the other hand … well, they bipolar. That’s what they do. Or maybe I should say “what I do”. For me the result is more than the usually vivid dream. Anything more than 30mg and the dreams are just as bright and shines, but I’m significantly less in control, and it gets a little like peyote. But less “insistent”.
 
Or are you talking more of a vivid dreaming style astral travel kind of thing where you’re in charge of your travel, and maybe are even being lead on a quest or a journey by a trusted soul guide?
 
Or something in between?

@Ciaran  
no  
just ibuprofen but only on some nights if i have a hard time sleeping at night  
but as for the experiences its hard to describe  
i know im sleeping but i wake up as if my soul is drifting away  
im not sure what journey i will have in my life since i am still young  
i just hope i dont waste it

@cm26  
For sleeping at night, 3 to 9 mg of melatonin an hour before bed can help, especially if you don’t use a monitor or screen during that half hour. It’s available over the counter and might give you that extra bump to get to sleep. But the light from some phones and tablets will completely undo the benefit. So be extra careful about what color of light you’re putting into your eyes in that last hour before bed.
 
Some people also get good sleep with a single dose of 5HTP. But that’s a seratonin precursor, and if you have depression or are bipolar - anything usually associated with saratonin uptake issues, it can really fuck you up.
 
Also, just look to your sleep hygiene - dark, quiet room, using the bed just for sleep and not reading or gaming in bed, stuff like that can really help. Plus it’s free :)
 
With the out of body stuff, if it’s scary or uncertain, just use the “silver thread” trick. Keep a line between yourself and your body and just pull on it to get back. Shamanism can help a lot with making those journeys productive, too - they can become really helpful for sorting out what’s going on in your life. Or, just trancing out, which is also fun and useful.
 
If you have trouble initiating the journeys, check out books like “The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath” - there’s lots of handy metaphors in those books, like descending 70 steps as you fall asleep, until you reach the lair of your dream guardians. Stuff like that can really help develop a practice with your subconscious of “Tonight I wish to travel in my dreams”. Then you can do it whenever you want. Or, at least, whenever your subconscious is willing to play along.

Oral Melatonin doesn’t hurt, but it doesn’t have a testable effect on plasma concentrations of Melatonin.
 
Percribed Gabapentanoids have pronounced effects on Melatonin levels. Antipychotics and anti depressants also make people sleepy, which combined with the placebo effect might be all most serotonin drugs do.
 
like Ciaran said, the blue spectrum of digital light makes the body think it’s light outside, your body will quickly destroy any meletonin boost in favor of adrenaline.
 
One sedative bipolar medication, Depakote is Valproic Acid. This acid is derived from Veleric Acid of the Valerian flower. It’s proven to have sedating qualities on its own. You can get Valerian flower tea over the counter.

I’m not worth a fuck and to be honest, my problems are meaningless to discuss anymore.
 
I’d rather just vent on a journal somewhere safe than make enemies by someone getting butthurt because I’m sad and I wish to stop living.

@Ninji  
Huh. We use Valarian flower in simples before fairy walks. Interesting.

@TempFizzle  
I feel you, man. I want to be replying to you but I’ve been busy with work and hobby. On one hand I’m grateful because I can get my mind off a lot of stuff, but on the other I feel bad I cant be replying to your posts.  
…  
You ever plan on moving somewhere else? A new place may bring a new life.

So I reduced from 450 to 150mg of Wellbutrin  
I guess I’m okay.. I feel slightly different but not much worse, really  
Of course I first went from 450 to 300 waited 5-7 days then went down to 150

@tehwatever  
I’m not sure I could do it.

Been having these weird hard to describe panic attacks. I think the psychological term for it is derealization. Although it feels more like intense self-realization.
 
I remember freaking out over the same thing when I was a kid. I’ve not gotten any better at verbalizing it since then. It’s like the very fact that I am able to perceive and contemplate my mere existence gives me this bizarre, trippy feeling.
 
I kept typing and deleting stuff to try to illustrate the weird sort of thoughts it leads to but then I just worried it made me sound crazy.

@pixel  
We in a thread dedicated for dark and depressing thoughts…so don’t worry about sounding crazy. We all insane over here.

There are times I get intense sadness to the point that I can barely breathe and I don’t know why. When this happens, I always call my mom because talking to her helps me calm myself, but I don’t like to worry her so I feel some guilt afterwards.
 
It only happens when I have time to think, like in a quiet place. There, my emotions run wild and I’m left crippled for like a few minutes before I regain some control. It doesn’t happen always since I’m always so busy with everything.
 
My frantic life is literally keeping me from collapsing under the weight of my emotions.

I need magnesium.

i guess im free inside. hated all around and about, not wanting new friends, its nice..my entire body gave up trying to smile anymore inside, or feel much anyways. its just the same old, boring thing every single day. the past complaints from someone with hundreds of fans all shitting on me one at a time, telling everyone else and eventually ill be next on death row to be killed by all the hate. i feel like im slowly dissolving. besides, who needs someone who’s a real asshole, always wanting to commit suicide and harm theirself? nobody tbh…

💔

I wish I was a cutter so I wouldn’t keep problems strictly mental. To keep a balance.

@TempFizzle  
I used to be a cutter in my high school days, did it almost daily and I’ll tell you now it doesn’t help with anything. It only makes you dwell on your thoughts even more which just makes the whole habit a feedback loop.
 
Plus I have a shit load of scars on both my upper arms despite the fact all of this happened 7-8 years ago.

I’d rather do illegal drugs than be depressed every fuckin’ day. Something to change my mentality. To space out and forget this shitty reality and the shitty people that remind me how fucked I am in life. I’ll never love or be loved and I’ll be bombarded by people telling me I’m wrong and I should live life like they do.

@TempFizzle
 
I do the old knife on skin treatment too. It’s not much, but i’d rather be..I don’t know..popular and beign happy just doesn’t feel right. I guess at peace than always getting a heavy urge on hating someone that shit all on me months ago.

Ignore my nonsense.
 
The truth is, it doesn’t matter what you say or do most of the time. It matters even less when you say something online. The same applies in real life, where people are so keen on bonding to types of personalities that seem to attract pretty much everyone into their web be it looks or how someone dresses or because they gloat how much better they are. If said person should die (bonus points if it’s murder) the whole world stops it seems. Someone like me for example, lowest of the low, would be lucky to get passed the coroners acknowledgement of death, everything else wiped completely clean. I couldn’t care less, but the point is, status and reputation are what matters most in life. Most people are people-pleasers and try to be loved and accepted for what they think is acceptable. It is very difficult to truly live for oneself and be happy regardless of some societal trophy.
 
Take here for example, everything seems to be slow and boring until a mod or someone with a high rep posts. Everything’s quiet, this poster ignored, that one there, maybe a little acknowledgement over here. Some obvious indicator that pretty much says “respect me”. It goes for people of authority in real life as well. Violence ceases once someone with that power is present or at least unlikely to happen. If one should leave, most would know.
 
Even the bad people in life are remembered, some worshipped and twisted into something that is good. Maybe some self-motivator to strive to think alike, but perhaps do things differently. Gender, race, etcetera are all factors that play either for or against it. Someone right now is getting away with a crime just because they are female. Someone of a different race in some area of difference is being put into prison innocently. It happens all the time.
 
It really matters how you’re born. Thousands of years of our species and it’s still an important thing we live by on a daily basis. So I’m completely fucked by fate and my destiny is apparent.

@TempFizzle  
I read the whole thing and I agree. Unfortunately in this life it’s about appearance, and who could make the loudest noise and the biggest bang.
 
Ppl born rich, good looking, genius or powerful tend to already have the means to give a strong presence. So they have major advantage over other ppl.
 
I’m sorry that you feel insignificant. If it’s any consolation, we all insignificant in the galactic scale so…

@tehwatever  
Pretty much. But here’s the kicker: An advantage doesn’t last.
 
People always say that since they came from a low-class life, they can’t succeed. And I say “Shame on you!”, for I have met many who come from said life and succeed. Yes, you have a disadvantage compared to everyone else but does that mean you should give up?
 
No! You shan’t! You lift yourself up and continue your journey forward, no matter the obstacles, no matter the hardship. You’re afraid? Well, do it anyway! If you live, you get to feel proud about it. If you die, we’ll you just die. No need to sulk about that.
 
When it comes to success, it all comes down to two things; willingness and discipline. You must be willing to try new things, meet new people, learn new skills, etc. and also discipline yourself to maintain it. Some people are generally better than others, which I say “So what?”. It matters not if they are better than you. You just have to be better than you are now.
 
Keep moving forward, no matter what. Even if you’re afraid, even if you’re hurt, even if you’re dying. Keep moving forward until you draw your last breath. Because by that time, you will be able to look back and see how far you’ve come.

@Scrabbleman  
Well written.
 
But the point Temp is making isn’t about personal success, but rather a commentary on how ppl gravitate and pays attention NOT to actual personal success, but to visible and announced public success and titles. Hence: status and reputation is what matters.
 
Theres a reason why social media is addictive. It’s a status and reputation building tool not available years ago. Now anybody with little talent but excellent self-marketing skills can have what matters most in public life: status and reputation.
 
Which is why I said that ppl born rich talented good looking and genius already have an advantage if they want to be seen in public.
 
What you wrote is true, but it doesn’t address Temp’s major point which is: visibility in public.

@tehwatever  
Fair enough. I don’t use social media that often since I don’t like the attention that much. Too much responsibility and all that.
 
I can see what you mean about visibility in public though. It’s hard to do that if you don’t have anything backing up your name. While it’s still possible, it’s still difficult and unreliable.