[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

@Tranquil Night  
Read both of my posts here when you can…
 
 
~texthug

@Cloid  
Still didn’t answer my question on why people hate mental hospitals.

@Meanlucario  
The first and last (to date) time that I went to one, I felt like I was in a prison. Out of the four staff members that I was in contact with the most, one staff member was nice but assertive, two were cold and authoritative, and one seemed okay, but refused to transfer me from the entry holding cell to the actual ward because he was lazy and did not want to do it on his shift. He lied to me by telling me that there were no open rooms, and my brother, who is a former nurse that worked at that hospital, had to talk with him to get him to transfer me. I had a boy with advanced autism who threw a chair beside me, and there is no telling who my roommate will be if I have to share a room.

@Tranquil Night  
If they aren’t doing their job properly, than you should report them. Most people in mental wards are a danger to themselves, and irresponsible caregivers will result in harm and even death.

@Cloid  
Thanks.

Sorry for the “spam”.
 
I feel like I may just be putting myself into a worse situation if I sign into a mental hospital. I do not know how badly I need to go, so I do not know if I will just waste the hospital’s time and our [insurance’s] money. It is debatable whether or not I am a harm to myself. I am considering being signed in voluntarily because I do not want to have to visit my therapist again if he sends me there.
 
I am so confused. I am so scared to tell my parents, if I ultimately decide to do that.

@Tranquil Night  
Just breathe.
 
It’s going to be ok.

@Tranquil Night  
I hope everything goes well for you soon. We don’t want anything bad to happen to you.

@warc9  
@LeoNero  
Thank you.
 
I am going to tell my mother some details, if I can get the motivation to do that.

@Tranquil Night  
Anytime.

@Tranquil Night  
…and I did it.
 
She will call my psychiatrist tomorrow and have the situation assessed.

@Tranquil Night  
You did the right thing. Help is on the way.

@Tranquil Night  
Hugs

~-I wish I knew how terrible this singing was (considering I had only listened to it about 5 times before I sang it and didn’t know it fully) https://drive.google.com/file/d/1iHlRAPivF-RAm1bDt9AOYqhMEvt7CW1c/view?usp=sharing
 
_{~~Damnit… I should have practiced more first… like 75} of the mistakes I made is because I didn’t know it very well, heh~~%
 
%~~Now I know why some artists don’t improve… or think they improved but really their style just changed…. it’s hard knowing if it’s better or not…. especially if people don’t leave feedback.. and even if they do it’s just a few people and not enough to really… you know~~%
 
%~~I’m talking about drawings and stuff when I say ’artists’ but, yeah… I guess this goes for anything~~%
 
%~~**sigh** life is frustrating and hard…. but, that’s no new realization~~%
 
Eh, nvm…

I can’t decide if I should work out tonight…
 
I kind of want to but I really should let my body rest… eh…

@warc9  
@LeoNero  
Thank you for being patient with me.

@Tranquil Night  
No prob :)

@Tranquil Night  
Any time.

I ended up doing a short workout
 
I’ll do a longer workout tomorrow, I guess

Resang (well, most of it) this song since I’ve heard it a few more times
 
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qH7s-S3IvSVXrfGV1jnMK3svnDNCWol2/view?usp=sharing
 
Still made a ton of mistakes… meh… but, definitely better…
 
 
I just wanted to post it after knowing it a little better… cause last time was horrible… still horrible this time but… better…
 

 
O M G… how does it always get late so quickly… sigh
 
 
I hate time… time is a bitch… ugh…

All I ever really do is spam
 
Spam this.. spam that…
 
Technically I’m spamming now by talking about spam
 
Unless I mean the ham
 
 
I should just shut the fuck up sometimes..

@Rainboom Dash  
A user told me once, not too long ago, that you are never spamming or posting negatives without having actual concent/intentions on it.
 
What I am trying to say is; don’t feel so doubtful about yourself or else people will actually do what you’re thinking they might/might-not do; “accuse of spam”

It’s so cold in my apartment, I am starting to get used to it… ?
 
I am still scared of the dark and have been around almost 22 years of my life..

Hello

I am planning on sharing the spoilered text with my therapist, and to my psychiatrist if I am prompted to explain my situation, but I am scared that the last sentence will get me “Baker-acted”. My psychiatrist even nagged my mother over the phone one time because she would not have me sent into a mental hospital when I was having controllable but dangerous intrusive thoughts. Here it is:
 
I do not want to die or hurt myself, but I feel like I am running out of options to live a successful life. I do not want a child because I am awkward and cold around children, and I do not like them, though I do not hate them. I do not want a spouse because I do not want to have to commit to a single person. I do not want to have a pet because I am scared of the bodily messes that they will make. I do not know what normal things I desire, and almost all people would judge me for what I want when I have urges. Unless I find somebody who is open to crazy thoughts and I decide that I actually want to be with somebody else, I will be alone; for about a year now, I have felt very little romantic or sexual attraction, which is not even toward real people. I used to want to wear dresses, and I had another non-dangerous but unusual fantasy which interested me that I have never mentioned (I am going to let all of you know so that you do not ask me after I post this; it is wanting to wear a fursuit), but now both of those fantasies are gone, so I get frustrated when I think about them. I do not want to get a job because there is not anything that I want to do. I doubt that my interests will just “fluorish” one day. I feel like college would be pointless if it was not the only way that I can get through life without completely hating my job. I had thoughts of hurting and killing myself partly because I feel like they give me a way that I can fantasize about “another route”, and partly because of complete intrusive thoughts. I do not feel like these thoughts entirely make sense, but they make me feel like I have an escape. I have a harmful habit of tightening things around my neck which I do not want to get rid of.