[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

I got a blood test tomorrow… damn
 
Oh well… I’ll just make sure I eat plenty tonight to refill my glycogen stores…
 
Also.. hmm… I wonder if 8 hours is enough…. ehhhhhh.. oh well :P
 
If it’s not enough time then screw that… I’m not going more than 8 hours without eating :P

@BarryFromMars  
You just don’t care. That’s all there is to it.

@Agent Luna
 
Well, it did feel like the upright thing to do. I’m still at least saying I’m open to a relationship with a woman however (though I don’t feel smart about this at all.)

@BarryFromMars  
Yeah you lost me. I honestly don’t get why people say anything to me when they don’t even know what to say to begin with. If you don’t feel or experience the things I have, just ignore like everyone else seems to do. Saying “sorry” or anything else makes me feel like I have untreatable problems that will never go away. Like a doctor saying you’ll die and there is no cure. That’s how that feels.
 
I’m already the most-hated or soon-to-be, so I get that no one really gives a fuck. Even strangers I’ve never spoke to here hate my guts and then I realize they follow my posts and paint this shitty picture of me because I’m not in the “cool” club.

I wish all 40 of my friends were alive again.

No such thing as friendship on this site apparently.

@Agent Luna
 
You replied to my second reply on the previous page so I reacted in a like manner to it because I thought you were talking about it.
 
Frankly, I’m not sure what to say or do. You seem to reject anything nice I have to say, insisting that I “don’t care” even if I do all I possibly can think of. I literally asked you if there’s something I can do to help and it seems you don’t recognize what’s standing in front of you or you put a “Nobody cares” barrier between us to hate yourself. I’m not really sure what’s going on here however which is why I said “that seems to be the case” and I admit I could be far off; there’s a lot of stuff I don’t know. Please don’t think this is a diagnosis, it’s not.

@BarryFromMars  
You can’t diagnose me anyways. It’s impossible.
 
It takes one to know one, and since not many go through what I have, it’s no surprise no one has anything to say. Feelings of hopelessness and then feelings of others not caring. It’s obvious I have a more deeper depression, since I don’t see anyone else posting it except me. It makes me more depressed that this is true, and envious that so many have had so many things I haven’t. No wonder I am who I am.
 
I guess just enjoy my terrible and lonely thoughts? Maybe become another hater of mine? It’s totally okay with me if so.

@Agent Luna
 
No two people are the same and I at the very minimum tried to be of aid. It’s not like I never felt hopeless or something related however, especially when I had nightmares like this one:
 
1: I’m outside the light city of life in a graveyard.  
2: It gets dark, like basement without a window dark.  
3: Zombies are roaming.  
4: I’m too paralyzed with fear to move at this point.
 
That was in 2008. I was playing Xbox Live frequently at the time and I feel like that’s why; it is or was a lot worse there than it is here, IMHO (I think my provoking people who I felt provoked me didn’t help.)
 
Nope, I’m not attempting to be a hater but if it’s of any empathetic consolation I have been at odds with someone before (though I’m referring to something long ago that I gave up, this is only to say I understand from that perspective) even when what we were doing was as simple as putting the cover back on an electrical box. All his words sounded like verbal contempt for me and that just doesn’t fit the mold of living peacefully.

@Agent Luna
 
You seem to thrive on making people reject you. Any attempt at outreach, any attempt at friendship and you dismiss it outright at best, attack the person at worst.
 
You wonder why people react the way they do while all the while you display a flippant coldness to everyone and everything. You seem to view everyone as beneath you, everyone is a “child” to you.
 
People like Warc, Holo, and Barry honestly try. Hell, Warc bears his bloody soul and bends over backwards to help people. He makes an honest attempt, and every time he does you call him a hater.
 
Maybe don’t slap away every helping hand when they reach out to you and you’ll possibly make some headway.
 
 
Or don’t, no one can force you.

@BarryFromMars  
Sorry but I fail to see anyone trying to aid me. I guess my methods of helping others (asking questions, diverting current train of thought to other subjects) are different and what I see to actually be helpful in my situation being online. It just amazes me how easily people give up on others like me, when I’m not the only one out there that has a major issue with depression. That’s not even my only diagnosis.
 
That’s a dream. It’s very much different from dealing with reality that causes things like depression, which I developed over many years of neglect and untreatment. That along with bullying, developing a huge resentment to humanity, but also having an ability to evaluate others behavior, why they act like they do, etc.
 
All I am is entertainment, nothing more apparently. It’s what this current age of technology is; entertainment.

@Zincy  
Just stop man. I get you hate me and want to back me in a corner, saying I’m bad and bringing your friends into your attempt to attack me, but it’s old. Take it somewhere else. You don’t understand shit about me.

@Agent Luna
 
Wouldn’t it be nice if “Old things are done away with; they are passed away and I feel new and rejeuvenated”?

@Agent Luna
 
You’re conflating apathy with hate. You’ve not done anything worth me hating you.
 
Or, really any concerted emotional attachment. Your demeanor bothers me, the way you treat others bothers me.
 
But that’s literally as far as my attachment goes. You seem to think everyone is showing some concerted effort to hate you. Frankly, no one behind a computer screen is worth the energy to hate. It’s not worth the effort, and no one here cares enough to hate you.
 
You’re not in the hate spot light, no one sits and plots ways to hurt you. You’re just not that worthy of contempt.

@Zincy
 
Were I to hate Agent Luna (or anyone, honestly…) that would be an offense to myself in some way, shape or fashion. I’m not sure how it would apply to me but I’d somehow end up in a situation where I’m harmed.

@BarryFromMars  
It’s not that simple with PTSD and depression. People think I can turn it off yet they don’t even know anything about it and what causes it. All they know is what I say and if I tell the truth how it is, someone almost always comes along to point fingers and twists everything to make me the bad one.

@Zincy  
Enough with the shit.

@Agent Luna  
We don’t know every experience that someone else has, sure
 
But we still try to help the best we can with that limited knowledge….
 
No one here is hating you or making fun of you or anything like that

@Rainboom Dash  
Uhhh yes they are hating. It’s amazing to me how blind people are to it. I guess not seeing how they act to me elsewhere might be why. Being called a cunt by someone on this thread, and other names on other threads. No one sees it because I’m such a low social class on here, and everyone knows nobody would defend me with any kind of names thrown at me anyways. Then you have random attackers who, after awhile of lurking, think they know every single thing about you and hang you up on a cross, then sometimes mobbed by their buddies with word after word of shit. The only intention they have is to make me feel awful and them superior over me like the dominant-aggressor they are. I’m allowed to be depressed here in this thread, so fuck them if I’m not up to their happy standards of normality.
 
That is people of the internet in a nutshell. Dominance and popularity. You can’t join in on a convo unless you have the badge of approval. Socially awkward is unacceptable, being depressed is much lower.

@Agent Luna  
If they are saying these things, report them.
 
But, to my knowledge no one has called you a ‘cunt’ here. If they have please report them.

@warc9  
No I’m done reporting.
 
I’d leave if I had any other interests, but MLP is the only thing I like. I’m sure many would love it if I left or killed myself, but sorry, I can’t.

@Agent Luna  
We’re not the ones hating you, you are hating you.
 
As Zincy and others have pointed out, we’re all trying to reach out to you, but the reason you’re not getting help is because you keep pushing us away. That’s on you, not us.
 
The real enemy here is not us, it’s yourself.
 
I’m no doctor but I think the reason why you’ve done so subconsciously is because it gives you a sense of control. You keep telling yourself we’re no help but it’s probably you don’t want help; you want us to feel defeated because it gives you a sort of “victory” and thus a sort of control out of you “winning”…but the only one winning here is your dark inner voice.
 
Why do I say this? Because I went through a similar experience when I was younger. Those years were a hell that I didn’t realize until later that I created for myself. I remember people telling me the same thing they’re telling you right now. Friends telling me I’m truly my own worst enemy or my sister-in-law telling me that I’m at war with myself… It’s depression mixed with masochism and I subconsciously learned a way to turn it into something that made me feel that I had at least some control over something. It took me years to eventually realize that.
 
I’m not cured of depression, I still have my mental problems, but I’ve at least been able to identify certain things about it that helps give me an edge in controlling it.
 
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201009/the-critical-inner-voice-causes-depression
 
If you feel the need to attack me for saying all this, then you truly need professional help. I’m not saying this because I hate you, I’m actually saying this because I care (“the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference” after all).

@MethidMan  
Not reading that hate-wall.

“Hate wall” because you want to turn it into one. The “TL;DR” of it is that you’re the one hating yourself, not us.
 
You pretty much just proved my point to everyone.

@MethidMan  
I’m not here to prove shit to you. I don’t owe you a fucking thing, stranger. Go watch Dr. Phil and keep the bullshit drama away from referring to me. I appreciate it.