[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

@Agent Luna  
But that just makes it so that you push away people who want to help you.
 
The people who say that they care really do care, they are not lying just because they haven’t been what you have been been through.

@warc9  
Yeah but I don’t need a therapist, I need a real friend for once. I’m tired of trying to be one and everything I do is just wasted because I’m like nobody else. I doubt you know how that feels.

@Agent Luna  
They recommend a therapist beacuse they worry about you. They want you to feel better and they recommend a professional who can help you.
 
We are here for you, we are your friends.

@warc9  
Try not to mention “they” or “we” because it is you who is speaking, not anyone else. It is hopeless. I have nobody and always had since a young child.

@Agent Luna  
I don’t know anyone here who would disagree with me here so…
 
Nothing is hopeless.

@warc9  
Why because you’re popular and loved so whatever you say is correct based on the simple fact of being liked versus someone who’s despised as a societal rebel and hated for originality of a “corrupt” personality such as me?

@Agent Luna  
I never said that: Your personality is “corrupt”.  
That i’m: “ popular and loved”.  
Or that: “whatever I say is correct based on the simple fact of being liked”.
 
I say so because of months and months of experience here.

@warc9  
Good. I hope you’re honest and not just curious. When people want to “help” sometimes they just want a good story to listen to and pretend to care. Saying anything to get information. I also have experience. I’ve had it bad enough to where I can talk to pretty much anyone without turning-tail or being fake to get what I want. That’s the only good thing from it I have.

@Agent Luna  

 
Stay away from /mlp/, /pone/ etc. Apart from the ever diminishing minority of those who are still Merely Pretending™, those communities abide by the very same rules that govern the allegedly hated normals. Peer pressure, hypocrisy, hierarchies and so on.
 

 
That’s how life in general works. The forums (and other online community types, for that matter) simply reflect real world. Same as IRL some are better than the average, some are worse and most are predictably just average.
 
In general, your main problem is how deep down the hole you are. The longer you are depressed the harder it becomes to interact with anyone else, whether they suffer from depression as well or not. This is logical if you re-frame it using a computer-like analogy: even a fast SCSI hard drive starts performing worse and worse if some malware constantly abuses it without any consideration of its health and longevity. Thankfully human bodies, including their brains, have significant potential for recovery.  
Having this is not the end of the world. Just stay aware of the problem and work on mitigating its effects on communication. It’s hard, sure, but it’s possible. You’ll be fucking up but it’s okay, everyone does. As long as you really want it and give your best you’ll be improving.
 
Also, don’t do this:  

 
You want to help someone? Do so, but expect nothing in return. It’s charity, yes. You’re doing this to make the world a better place. Whether just because you believe it’s the right thing to do or you’re driven by partially egotistic desire to maybe actually live in this improved world someday is irrelevant. You want to give and you can give? You give, end of story.
 
I’ve seen your posts pop up over the last few months (maybe a bit longer, things kinda become blurry sometimes) and I genuinely wanted to PM you and offer some simple stuff like maybe playing video games together or just chatting from time to time, but, unfortunately, I’m a bit further down the hole and I might potentially drag you deeper. Also PMing is probably not enabled for until you have X posts and I’m too used to posting anonymously.

@Agent Luna  
I have no reason to lie.

@Background Pony #DAF1  
Gee, I was expecting to get bashed like normies do for what they can’t understand. Like the usual. After a certain amount of lurking too.
 
As for wanting something in return, everyone seeks validation, even you. Therapists need therapists too and having negative or no reaction to an effort of seeking help simply depresses me further and only builds the issue to prove my claims of no one caring.
 
Yeah it’s the world, but I’m not like everyone else. Even at a convention I’m at right now, I sit alone, look at no one and drown myself out of everything around me. Wouldn’t it be irritating to someone who believes they’re the only different one among so many same-faces? Mannerisms, attitudes, etc. All same. Very, very little difference. A life of living in solitude builds up to a degree of hopelessness and thought-reality-making.
 
People would rather lurk and watch me squirm and either keep ignoring or get pissy and attack as if I’m only here to please them sometimes. I know that.

Oh right, I remember why I cried…I miss all my deceased friends.

@HighRollerHydra
 
 
Crying can be good to let the emotion out.

@Agent Luna  
Bash? For not fitting in? We’re in a depression/suicide thread on an MLP-themed forum with anonymous posting enabled. I’m not sure it’s even possible for people at this stage to self-assert at someone’s expense anymore.
 
Nah, it’s the “give if you can” thing for me. Not that there is something wrong with wanting to be appreciated, but I’m in a situation where nothing really mattered for a very long time so I guess I adapted.  
There are degrees of caring, like with pretty much everything else. People might be willing to give much but just not enough for you at present. You need a lot and that’s understandable, but finding someone who can give as much is usually difficult for everyone (I’m talking about friendships that last decades, “true love” and so on). It’s just you have the added difficulty of depression and everything that entails. You might try to treat it like difficulty levels in video games, I suppose. I, for one, can’t take reality all that seriously with how it is.
 
Takes effort to be sociable. I know you hate conforming, but there’s a fairly large grey area between definite conformity and adamant individuality wherein lie plain old politeness, willingness to compromise for a greater good, working around someone else’s flaws while pooling your merits to create something great, new or just fun.  
I’m not so certain everyone around you is truly that much similar. People tend to overdo the keeping up appearances part out of fear of being disliked, ignored and so on. It’s especially ironic considering that to stand out in a good way one has to be different.
 
Self-absorbedness is the motto of modern age. But, firstly, not everyone is like that and, secondly, even those who play these games eventually get tired from the hollowness of it all.

Holy shit
 
Why did I take the concerta…
 
Concerta makes me feel like shit… I only took 36mg but.. ugh…
 
Well, luckily it only lasts about 6 and a half hours… sigh

I wish I was a kid again. 😢

@HighRollerHydra  
I know that feeling, I wish I had like Halloween more, and would do almost anything for a second shot at it.

I wish I could sing high notes for an extended amount of time without wanting to kill myself
 
Well… Like.. upper third/lower fourth octave
 
Oh God… Those high notes in Harmony by Mandopony are like F4 to A4.. or somewhere around there… I can hit those just by singing normally but.. damn.. just barely
 
Anything in the fifth octave I’d need to do falsetto… B4 is the limit for my normal voice… The very top of the fourth octave
 
 
Near the end.. that’s the range of about F4 to A4
 
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B1_qfl2IS3NdU21NNW9YU0lRd0U/view
 
Keeping my voice clear while hitting even the somewhat high notes was… Ugh… After 2/3 of the song I was just like “kill me noooooow”
 
Especially since I was kind of tired when I sang this…

@Pacific Glow
 
What the fuck

Feels like I’m the only one that’s been through hell and is too screwed up to enjoy life like everyone else I’m around does. I often make fun of myself and say I missed the “normal shot” doctors give to newborn babies to ensure adaptability. There’s just so many things I can pick out that everyone does that it annoys me, makes me feel like I live in a dream world. I don’t know what to say most of the time and hardly no one likes it when I do say something.
 
I’m just used to being mistreated, even upon birth I was abandoned. Never had parents. Today I still get picked on because people can’t comprehend exactly what it feels like to literally be discarded and how bad it feels to try to make a good impression only for it to fail miserably. People think I have some magic power that I can just “fix” myself when they never experienced such trauma to understand what the hell it is.
 
I only had one good buddy that never gave me fake words like “things get better” and almost immediately made me feel cared for. As adult life moved on I never saw them again. Now I truly feel alone.

@CrassMetalHead  
I feel like it’s the international policy.

Being depressed stifles my creativity.

@Rainboom Dash  
Are you ok?
 
@Crystalis  
I know that feeling.
 
 
@Pacific Glow  
Whats up?