[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

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Rainboom Dash's avatar
Posts: 7607
Rainboom Dash
Not a Llama - Happy April Fools Day!
Birthday Cake - Celebrated MLP's 7th birthday
A Tale For The Ages - Celebrated MLP's 35th Anniversary and FiM's 8th Anniversary
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Wallet After Summer Sale

Rainbooms4Ever
Ugh, going from 150 to 300mg of wellbutrin was not fun… pretty sure I went up too quick.. all I know is now I feel dizzy and my heart is beating faster than normal and also my mood is somewhat leveled

Yeah, fun……………………….
Definitely going back down to 150 for now… ugh..
I’m also not hungry much at all.. has it been 4 hours since I woke up from my nap and even longer since I’ve eaten? Holy shit..

Also, (spoiling due to tl;dr and masochism)
I think I found something I like… it makes me feel better but.. I also feel guilty and it’s not really a healthy good.. I put hot sauce on my private parts because it’s super sensitive there… uh… then I run it under really warm water and I get dizzy and my vision goes blurry but I also feel euphoric and it feels great and definitely lifts my spirits and gives me a energy boost
but… I’m not sure it’s really healthy to do… I don’t know why I’m mentioning it here but.. meh…
So, last time I put 1 drop of that Daves gourmet ghost pepper hot sauce around the balls and penis area and then some water to help spread it around… I actually panicked like 3 min in and rinsed it with room-temp water and soap which definitely decreased the burn that would have come 5-10min later.. ANYWAY.. even after quite a bit of the burn went away I went ahead and ran very warm water on it and HOLY SHIT!!! yeah, it felt amazing.. and that was after a lot of the burn had already went away!!! I can’t imagine if I wait 5min next time without rinsing it and using warm water… holy shit… I might even pass out but it’d probably feel fucking amazing <3 It definitely helped my mood but.. Idk… there’s probably a lot healthier ways to feel good
Rainboom Dash's avatar
Posts: 7607
Rainboom Dash
Not a Llama - Happy April Fools Day!
Birthday Cake - Celebrated MLP's 7th birthday
A Tale For The Ages - Celebrated MLP's 35th Anniversary and FiM's 8th Anniversary
Artist
Wallet After Summer Sale

Rainbooms4Ever
FUUUUUCK
I DIDN’T EVENEWF9UHBIURE
GEJH
TRGTROJTOIHJTROIJHRJHOIRJTOHJTR
OKAY.. okay… okay…………… need to calm down before I can type..

I didn’t even want to go up so quickly but the doctor said 5 days… I said how about even seven and he’s like "no, 5 will be plenty"
But noooooooo… now I feel not hungry at all.. I haven’t eaten since like 4 or something but I took a nap from like 7 to 9 but it’s now past 1 and I still have not eaten.. I’m starting to feel sick because I haven’t eaten in so long but I’m just not fucking hungry.. I should just eat anyway
I’m anxious, heart is beating faster than normal, dizzy… ughghgthrjhhnoiujhntrontrjhgt
ghrehgoiuersdeuhuhoi
okay.. okay.. deep breaths… and now I just realized I’m having a theorpist appointment that I have to leave AT EIGHT IN THE FUCKING MORNING I THINK
OMG… my mom and the doctor is trying to do all this bullshit that is NOT GOING TO HELP
WHY AM I SO FUCKING ANGRY RIGHT NOW
FUCK THIS NOW I’M SO CONFUSED EW9FWNEFOUENFOIEWNREWOIUGHREOIGIREGHG
GTRHGOIUTGJOIGJPOREGHOJGJPOIREGJERPOGJPOREGJPOREJGRE
REGREW
GERG
REGRE
GRE
GER
GER
G
R
REG
okay.. I feel better now… I really am starting to feel sick though… I’m going to go eat something..
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Rainboom Dash's avatar
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Rainboom Dash
Not a Llama - Happy April Fools Day!
Birthday Cake - Celebrated MLP's 7th birthday
A Tale For The Ages - Celebrated MLP's 35th Anniversary and FiM's 8th Anniversary
Artist
Wallet After Summer Sale

Rainbooms4Ever
Oh thank goodness… the therapist appointment was moved to this afternoon

Having to leave at 8 would have been a bitch
Still feel kinda weird from the wellbutrin but I’m hoping that’ll go away soon.. I’ll wait a couple of hours to take the 150mg dosage
Still feel kinda weak and sick but I’ve barely been eating lawl.. I just keep forgetting… gah..
Ugh, I’m always really bored but I’m too lazy to do anything… pfft… pretty depressing, really… maybe I should just… hmm… eh… nah…
um… ummmmmmmm…. right, so… need to eat more.. need to eat more………… fuck, I’m going to forget again

When you aren’t hungry it’s really fucking hard to remember.. do I need to set an alarm? Well, hopefully I’ll start getting hungry again.. my hunger is just extremely neutral
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Flutter_Lover
A Tale For The Ages - Celebrated MLP's 35th Anniversary and FiM's 8th Anniversary

Extraordinary Visionary
I recently called the suicide hotline, and I do hope this will all be resolved. Feeling like you’re less than being alive while you have people on your side is something I don’t wish on my worst enemies. There’s nothing more sacred to lose than your life. It’s too short to throw away for something so little that you have so much to give.

Suicide hotline – 1-800-273-8255
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Posts: 2034
Labyrinthine
With each passing day time just feels shorter and shorter.

A year feels like a month, a month feels like a day, a day feels like mere minutes. My best years are so fucking far behind me yet its all I can ever think about. I’m a mere husk, a shadow of what little there was of me even back then.

I don’t even talk much anymore here. My ability to connect with other people is non-existent at this point. It really does seem that I’m just waiting to die now.
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Ninji
Artist
An Artist Who Rocks - 100+ images under their artist tag
Best Artist - Providing quality, Derpibooru-exclusive artwork
Friendship, Art, and Magic (5 Years) - Celebrated Derpibooru's five year anniversary with friends.
Helpful Owl - Drew someone's OC for the 2018 Community Collab
Friendship, Art, and Magic (6 Years) - Celebrated Derpibooru's six year anniversary with friends.
A Tale For The Ages - Celebrated MLP's 35th Anniversary and FiM's 8th Anniversary
A Really Classy Artist - 250+ images under their artist tag
Friendship, Art, and Magic (7 Years Alt) - Celebrated Derpibooru's seventh year anniversary with friends
Toola Roola - For helping others attend the 2019 Community Collab

@Labyrinthine
Time sure is getting faster, and I’ve just entered the downhill portion of my life.

I don’t connect with people much either, but I try every now and then.

Better get used to the idea of chronic pain, falling apart, and the looming threat of death. I figure anticipate it now, and maybe it won’t suck so bad. I don’t know how human beings sleep at night.


@Rainboom Dash
I tried taking wellbutrin for energy, doctor prescribed it because I said my meds where making me dopie. It’s quite an upper. I don’t take it anymore, I got access to pseudophed and albuterol if I want to be buzzing.
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DarkObsidian
Economist

Pinkie Pie's Panzerfuchs
After over a year of work in my new job, I now realize that I no longer have any friends. And how hard it is for me to get involved with women. Probably I will become lonely to a degree, where only money lures out "friends". And it already pisses me off. Life sucks whether you succeed or not.
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DDavy
Artist
Wallet After Summer Sale
Magical Inkwell - Wrote MLP fanfiction consisting of at least around 1.5k words, and has a verified link to the platform of their choice

Unneeded Person
I think being antisocial isn’t so bad. Nobody to worry about, nothing to complain about. I’m well set anyways. Even if I have over 20 people that’s online they say, talking to them is just a waste of time. i’m better off just enjoying my own pleasures considering i’m slowly losing my mind by putting my phone on my head, losing sanity each second.
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Rainboom Dash's avatar
Posts: 7607
Rainboom Dash
Not a Llama - Happy April Fools Day!
Birthday Cake - Celebrated MLP's 7th birthday
A Tale For The Ages - Celebrated MLP's 35th Anniversary and FiM's 8th Anniversary
Artist
Wallet After Summer Sale

Rainbooms4Ever
@Ninji
hmm… does life have meaning? like… you know what, stupid question

I’m still on 150mg lol.. I haven’t tried 300 again buuuut… I think I’m okay for now
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Rainboom Dash's avatar
Posts: 7607
Rainboom Dash
Not a Llama - Happy April Fools Day!
Birthday Cake - Celebrated MLP's 7th birthday
A Tale For The Ages - Celebrated MLP's 35th Anniversary and FiM's 8th Anniversary
Artist
Wallet After Summer Sale

Rainbooms4Ever
So I figured out that the hot sauce does have to be on a certain area to really feel good
well so… basically, I put it on this area and I get this chill in my head but it feels relaxing and start shivering
And it makes me feel good for a while afterwards… and heck.. what I did was had some ghost pepper hot sauce and then over an hour later used saliva and covered the area and then ran warm water over it and that was enough… it really doesn’t take much
I have tried a whole drop of ghost pepper hot sauce on the area and that was pretty freaking intense…

buuuut… okay so… I need to find something else to do… there’s.. lots of other stuff to do that will work the same way
Well… kind of but this is.. more interesting… I guess it’s not really bad, bad to do it.. hmm…

Okay, see.. this is the shit I go through in my head and it’s fucking depressing.. and now I’m fucking rambling and…

I’ve tried a few areas… my lips, inside of my throat, inside of my mouth, anus and penis/balls
inside of mouth kind of works but… it’s a lot more enjoyable when actually eating something.. but basically private parts area works best

Now why am I mentioning this here… I guess cause I’m bored.. actually, I have no idea why… I really should just delete this post or start-over and make it a lot shorter.. naaaaaah.. this shows just how fucking ridiculously crazy I am.. and how I PRACTICALLY FUCKING SPAM 24/7
I also was trying to say how it made me feel better and I need to.. oh, yeah.. need to find other stuff to try
Well I know working out really hard (like 85-90% maximum heart rate) for 4-5 hours feels fucking amazing for 24 hours afterwards… but it would take AT LEAST 4 weeks to get in shape enough to do that and that’s if I really push myself

fuck… would be a lot easier to just… why the fuck am I even living hmm… maaaybe to… help people.. yeah…
I don’t fucking know… it’s 3:30 in the morning and I should really get to bed..
yay…. totally a rambling jumbled post
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Background Pony #4456
Terrible thing happened to me tonight. My mom has been so drunk, she decided to start a fight with me. I’m wounded a little as I examine the damages. Nothing that serious this time.

I feel nothing. That irritates me. In childhood I cried deeply. Never felt this way ever since. I can’t call myself a normal person because of these repetitive assaults. I receive so many insults from her that I stopped caring. My family is divorced so it wont be so hard for you to connect the dots and understand her hatred towards me. I’m a mistake, an idiot. I should die because I’m a fucking retard. Same repetitive compliments year by year.

I’m not mad. I don’t hate my mom back surprisingly. I feel more of a shame because I’ve managed to hit her back in the act of my defense.

I’m being able to develop and blend in with the society. It’s actually pretty easy when there’s an obstacle course waiting at home every night, when you are never safe and make sure to watch your every step, every word. But what really makes me sad is my inability to recover from it. I’ve tried to find friends online but once I revealed my true color they became afraid of me. The society doesn’t take into consideration the symptoms of the disease. It blames the disease and mainly the person who has it. I don’t disagree with it. That’s right. At the end I just find myself in a very bad mood.

My little pony is the only light in my boring life of a pathetic grown up. I find you all very special even thought I don’t even know you, guys. I empathise your depression and wish you will cope with it in one way or another.


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Posts: 411
Pinto Bean
Not a Llama - Happy April Fools Day!

The Magical Fruit
Detroit police just nabbed a guy they say could be a serial killer that’s been operating in parts of the area where I work. And the pictures of him look eerily familiar.
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Posts: 215
O. Hancock
Not a Llama - Happy April Fools Day!

(Previously known as Oliver_Hancock)

Preparing for Takeoff
Sometimes it feels like my life is worthless as it is and I have no way of getting better. Moreso than that it often feels like 85% of humanity itself is shit. Like they just want to be callous assholes and not give a fuck about anyone but themselves. I hate existence. It is torturous to the mind. At least mine. :(
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