[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

@Starry Mind
 
Well, you’re to clever for my trap, I guess! Wuahahahahah! ;-D
 
Nah, kidding. But I appreciate your thoughts: I think I can feel you. Well, nothing is more hot then kiss another man… just to figure out, it’s not your thing at all. (shrug) But I don’t want to put some pressure on you. It’s okay to be a cross-dressing bisexual. And of course, that’s nothing written into stone. Just my… thoughts about you. Why not? To be bisexual AND to have a wish for cross-dressing is one of the most hardest things in our society at all. You’ll be sure about yourself as soon as you have kissed a man. If you’re like it, you’re bisexual. If not. Well, hello straight cross-dressing fetish boy. Nothing wrong about this. :-D
 
Oh, and I have A LOT OF COCOA! Seriously… My whole kitchen is full with this… As soon as I understand how Equestrian economy works, I will make billions of… bits? I guess…? (shrug) Pfff… Money is nothing. Let’s drink Cocoa. :-)

@DarkObsidian  
I know where my sexuality stands, but it is a bit complicated. Does your attraction toward My Little Pony characters change who you are? :P
 
I would say more, but it would just be spamming.
 
I guess that I will be who I am. I’m bothered that I will not be able to _^crossdress without my parents knowing about it until I move out of this house. They would not care, but it is still very embarrassing. I just want to experiment on my own time to see if I will like it.
 
You could easily make billions of bits from Starlight Glimmer alone.  
^__________  
I am sorry for having an awkward conversation on this thread, but I wanted to thank you people for trying to help.

@Starry Mind
 
Nah, you’re good. There is no awkward conversation in this thread. Or at least it shouldn’t. Sure, sometimes reactions are late. Or no reactions at all. My friendly advice: Repeat it. Because sometimes there are reasons, and just as it is “I don’t want to answer this now!”, seriously. Keep asking. Because we’re all people in the same boat. Maybe we haven’t the right advice or the right solution, but we’re here. If you want to vent up, do this.
 
And, Starry Mind, you’re always welcome. Say what you want and do whatever you want/or can. We accept you as the person you are. ;-)

I think that my Lamictal is decreasing the strength of the feelings from my intrusive thoughts. I have not had any major breakdowns from my OCD, although I cried after I read my documented IQ. :P
 
It is definitely a better fit for me than Abilify, which drastically slowed my mental processing speed and took away most of my strong thoughts.
 
I wish that there was a way for me to experience joy from my good thoughts and not have a complete breakdown from my bad thoughts, but I just have to accept this tradeoff of having both reduced. :(

Depression is something I’ve pretty much lived with almost all my life in one form or another.
 
Lately, however, I’ve been becoming depressed in an increasingly angrier way as time goes on.
 
I’ll just leave it at that, not gonna go into specifics.

@MethidMan  
I have felt extremely angry when I was depressed. As in, I felt strong urges to hurt other people, and I had a bizarre viewpoint on life that caused me to hate people in general. If I remember correctly, these thoughts went away when I started Abilify.
 
Do not act upon your impulses if you will regret doing so, even if it feels justified at the time. The only type of anger that you should act upon is defensiveness, which includes self-defense and protecting your rights.

I actually wanna die right now..my only option is a slow death from self harm when that happens in the next 50 years..

@DDavy  
I know that you will probably want to snap at me when I say this, but have you sought professional help for your depression?
 
Even if you are in an area that permits unwilling hospitalization, you will not be hospitalized for seeking help unless you are planning a suicide attempt.
 
Edit: I will get back to you in the morning. It is 2:00 AM for me, and I am not even sure that you are typing a response. Good-night.

@Starry Mind  
Sigh…already into that. I don’t wanna take my medication and i’m just sick of feeling tired all the time…i’m in a state that does hospitals and whatnot..sigh.

@DDavy  

 
Quit Masturbating for a week

@DDavy  
Serious question: do you avoid taking your medication because you want to feel worse?
 
If you are not feeling better after taking an antidepressant alone, some psychiatrists will prescribe other drugs to pair with antidepressants to boost their effects. Just be cautious about what you take.
 
If you feel like you need to tell a psychiatric professional about how you feel to receive proper care, then do it. Wanting to die is not the same thing as taking steps toward killing yourself, so you should not be afraid to tell them about how you are feeling.
 
@TheDreaded  
I don’t think that has much to do with it, unless you do it very frequently.

I know that I have posted a lot here in the past few days, but I feel like I am stuck.
 
I have no desire to drive, go to college, get a job, move out of this house, or anything else, really. I am very bored of keeping things like they are, but I am anxious and have no desire to advance.
 
I have no strong passions except in rare circumstances, like when I solved this maze. I stayed awake until about 5:00 in the morning that night, and I only went to sleep when my body started to tremble. The day after, when I uploaded the image, I felt absolutely amazing and giddy. I am suspected of having bipolar disorder, but that is questionable because my “highs” are rare and do not last very long.
 
Right now, I physically feel calm, but I am hopeless. I do not like where my life is taking me because I am normally pleasureless and anxious.
 
I wish that felt happier or motivated enough to hurt myself. Before my depression, I was carefree. Now, it seems impossible for me to feel that way again.
 
_{^{I am scared to post this.}}

Why is MLP making me more depressed? I thought it was supposed to be about cute ponies that make me happy.

@Chrys  
The time spent in the fanbase is what makes you depressed, not the show.
 
Well, partially, at least.

@Starry Mind  
The fanbase is depressing but so is the show.

@Chrys  
What is exactly depressing about both of them?

@Assertive Derpness  
Some of the things people do and say in this fandom and no one bats an eye, and the show shitting on my favorite character to the point I literally think DEATH would be less humiliating than seeing her continue to fail.

This is all my fault.

@Shylover  
What is?

@Starry Mind  
I did something wrong towards myself to my mom. I hurt her feelings, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix these problems, but I just couldn’t forgive myself. I’m having a bad interaction with people. I haven’t been having good answers or good words. All I have is a bad attitude, and all I have is these three words “I don’t know” all the time. My mom is upset. She’s been struggling from work and from home. I never do anything to make her proud. I didn’t brush my teeth often, I didn’t take a shower often, I didn’t even do anything to make her proud, and I didn’t pay attention to my white board. I am a complete failure in this world. I am the worst son, and I don’t even know why I was born in the first place. I couldn’t change. I couldn’t do anything, I couldn’t get a job, I’m terrified from what’s happening in this world, my anxiety, disabilities, and depression is worse, and most of all, I do nothing but sit every day watching YouTube, repeated TV shows, and stupid stuff, and I don’t have a hobby! 💔💔💔💔 I’m lost! I have no idea how I made it this far in life. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know why I was born on this earth in the first place. I’m a failure. I’m a bad friend, I’m a bad person to my family, and I’m a bad son! I’m the worst! I don’t know what to do! Why am I still here on 2018? 😭😭😭😭😭😭 I’m a joke. I don’t know who I am anymore!

What did you actually do to make your mother feel sad?

@Starry Mind  
My attitude. She was asking a simple question, and I used a bad attitude “I don’t know” answer on her. I am such a lazy movie/TV/video/video game obsessing peice of shit.

@Starry Mind  
And she’s not sad. She’s frustrated.

@Shylover  

 
You should stop that definitely I’ve a mother that gets frustrated like that because of my brother he doesn’t sometimes speak back when asked a question
 
So its not wise to stress your mom (mine mom is worse she has diabetes)

@Shylover  
Perhaps it may have been rude to have said “I don’t know” to whatever question it was. I am not trying to excuse you because I do not know the entire story, nor am I prompting you to say more, but perhaps you shut down because you feel overloaded. I have overused the words “I don’t know” in the past when I have felt anxious because I do not feel like I am capable of dealing with stressors. I actually was not able to think properly because I was so stressed.
 
I would advise you to seek professional help, but I know that you probably would not agree to this.