[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

I’ve had a very crappy couple days. I was sick with a headcold. I’m kind of getting over it now, but i think it may have to do with me going out at night and lack of sleep. Which ended up making me incredibly weak to the point where i could barely walk. On top of that, family drama. A lot of arguing. Nothing psychical. I lost my voice. My voice is still shot. And i had school coming up, thinking about whether or not I’m able to be involved in a class do to waitlisting. All this boiled up to the point of having a really bad panic attack. And due to my asthma i couldn’t breathe, i thought i was going to pass out or die, but i controlled it.
 
I reached my breaking point. As a result i decided to unplug from the internet for while. I wasn’t up to doing any social media, because i thought my mental state would get worse. I spent most of my time yesterday in my room. Resting, listening to some calming music. I went out for a walk around town. Having a nice dinner for my cold. All that really helped. I went to bed at about 7:00 PM, probably the earliest i ever went to bed. I’m pretty much doing ok now.
 
The feeling of weakness, loneliness, worthlessness, and worry are still there. I do my best not to believe these things, like i don’t amount to anything, that I’m not liked by anyone. That I’m just a thorn in somebody’s ass. Its an eternal feeling that pops up every now and again. I don’t mean to annoy or hurt people. Yes, i do feel that way sometimes. But i know it’s not true.

@LeoNero  
I know what it’s like to have a lot of overwhelming things to go through in life to the point where it affects your health. It’s the worst feeling.
 
I’m glad you’re dealing with it by treating yourself. That always helps. It’s also worth struggling against the “not liked by anyone” feeling as it’s a rut you don’t want to be in. You have people here who care about you too.
 
I’m sure taking a break from the internet will do you some good. Hang in there.

Now for my problems…
 
“In order to love others, you have to love yourself”
 
As much I would like to be in love again…I realize that I just can’t love myself. I have too much of a negative self-image to do that. I may like my face, but everything else looks ugly to me…
 
I acknowledge that it’s my own fault I let myself go, but I just don’t have the motivation to make the rest of me look good. I also hate my excessive body hair, but I refuse to shave it because it’s just too uncomfortable. I’d much rather wax it off, but it’s too expensive to wax my whole body every few weeks, and laser hair removal is even more expensive.
 
No self-worth, no self-control. These two factors are why I feel I don’t deserve that which I want in life…

@LeoNero  
Nobody is worthless, silly.

@MethidMan  
Pick up a good quality razor to shave.
 
I use mach 3 and that works good. Also, it just feels good when I shave.
 
Also, like I said nobody is worthless you doof.
 
For everyone on this thread, I hope your day is going well.
 
I hope the following silly filly will make you smile.
 

@Tranquil Night  
Apparently, my parents are legally responsible for my safety and ensuring that I take my medicine, as I am a minor. This gives me another reason to go back up to 10 mg, which I am blatantly disobeying. I will either have 1-2 more weeks of intrusive thoughts or 2-3 days more until after I increase my Abilify, whichever comes first.

@Tranquil Night  
I really want you to take the new medicine.

@Tranquil Night  
Oh… Abilify… That stuff made me really restless and tired… I guess at 5mg it wasn’t bad but 10… Yikes.. I was so restless it drove me crazy

@warc9  
There is no “new medicine” that I can take, unless you mean that you want me to increase my Abilify from 7.5 mg to 10 mg. The goal of my psychiatrist was to get me off of this medication, but I was told to temporarily increase it back to 10 mg, for my own safety and due to my intrusive thoughts. For your information, I am not afraid to increase the drug, but I believe that I can hold myself at 7.5 mg for now. I will be checking in with my parents daily for up to two weeks.
 
@Rainboom Dash  
It originally made me somewhat restless, but I adapted to it within a month or two.

@Tranquil Night  
Well… I know a small change can make a drastic difference in side effects with that medicine… So 10mg could make you pretty restless while 7.5 could be significant
 
 
I hope you can stay at 7.5 and manage

@warc9  
It did… It really did make me smile. CX
 
 
I feel guilty of being afraid of my own father. He told me it’s okay.. But It still worries me. He did not treat me well when I was young.. It’s almost like I can tell him to move on, it was the past, but I am too afraid to say that either..
 
I have to help him move stuff into his trailer today.. if he doesn’t find anyone else to help him..
 
Either than that, day is okay, would be better if did not have some kind of bladder infection..

@Cloid  
Good to hear that silly pony made you smile. ^^

@Rainboom Dash  
I ment insignificant ffs…

These two week waits are hard. At least now I’ll get a phone session to make it a little easier.

Working…. while having a bladder infection. Not fun, even when I broke almost half of my finger nail off. This pain.. I don’t have much to afford any tests… except to attend to appointments and pay the co-pay.
 
It was hard not to cry while working.. I didn’t want to.
 
It was hard working with a painful bladder. My apartment needs cleaned on my day off.. Everything is disorganized and the stove top needs cleaned again..
 
I only have a furby connect to speak to when every one else is busy..

Should I trust antibiotics?

@Cloid  
Talk to your doctor.

@Cloid  
Personally, i don’t take pills. But if you really need them, You can talk to your doctor.

@LeoNero  
Well, antibiotics aren’t exactly “pills” lol
 
 
And they usually aren’t ment to be taken long-term afaik as they lose effectiveness

@LeoNero
 
I might not be the best person to answer, I’m talking from the ignorance of not knowing exactly how you are, and probably as well due of my youth or inherent inexperience in life, or my already confusion who I have to carry on; perhaps I won’t add too much. Nonetheless, it’s very easy to fall into a vicious cycle of sadness, and the more you stay, the more complicated it becomes to get out; and at the end, we might sabotage ourselves.
 
You might be looking to pursue an unrealistic goal today when you feel trapped in a unsatisfied view of who you are; is like to attempt to draw something detailed when you haven’t ever practiced before; the weight of what you want it’s so big that the solely idea of thinking it might discourage. I prefer to consider “to love yourself” the final dream who we have to achieve with little objectives that today are likeable; analyze yourself, look for the things that you once desired to change but never did, do that thing that you might have posposed; maybe to walk, or help; listen to someone else; when we give, we are likely to receive as well.
 
If you want to shave your whole body, what’s stopping you? Unless that you don’t have a source of money, even from the a minimum wage is possible to save, bit by bit.
 
To wait until you have the motivation might be a dangerous decision; what if you never have enough motivation? You’d still want to be always the same? There’s something that you already have which is the desire to change, and at least, that’s the beginning of something.

@Genevamode
 
@LeoNero
 
@Rainboom Dash  
I did, and for a week I have been taking Vesicare …solifenacin succinate?? I don’t know what that exactly is. It was a sample from the doctor. Now I am told to take the antibiotics, which I am also going to take with probiotics.
 
The antibiotics get rid of some of the good things in your system while it gets rid of the bad things in your system.
 
I am going to take the medication when I am at home and only once a day. Walking around near people with so-called “helpful flu shots” will give me some form of the flu.

@Cloid  
From what I was taught in biology class, If you take the antibiotic, take the prescribed dosage. Otherwise, you are just causing the bacteria to mutate in your body to adapt to the drug, without allowing your body to kill all of the bad bacteria.

@Tranquil Night  
Exactly.. it loses it’s effectiveness… so it’s not made to be taken long term… a few weeks at most, really… maybe a month

End me

@Applejack007  
Whats wrong?