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Description:

Evening at Fluttershy’s – a clop JOIP

The sweet Fluttershy has invited you into her home and prepared a little game for you. While you’re playing around, things take a dark turn as night falls over Ponyville.

Have fun playing it! Be sure to write a comment if you have any questions or ideas.

Comments

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21 comments posted
Morexis's avatar
Morexis
Artist

Which ponies would you like to see featured in a JOIP? Now you can vote for your favorites in the pony poll!

If you don’t have a Patreon account, feel free to simply comment here with the ponies you’d like to see. That way, you can also rank them accordingly.

I’m excited to hear your suggestions! :D
Posted Report
Background Pony #F75B
@Cinderfall
Breddy good stuff, keep it up. As other said, clop on Milovana was an unexpected, but not unwelcomed sight.
>selection of pics
If you cant find pics that fit the tease, try it backwards – find a collection of thematically similair pics and write a tease around them. Just a suggestion.
>voice actress quit
Thats a damned shame. Fortunately I know for a fact that some people are trying to feed clips from the show to an algorythm/AI so it can spit out given sentences in the characters voices. Its taking forever tho, not sure how far did they got currently.

Anyway, looking up to other characters teases in the future.
Also, a simple spelling error, used ’me’ instead of ’my’ at single point in a tease.
Posted Report
Cinderfall's avatar
Cinderfall
Artist
Helpful Owl - Drew someone's OC for the 2018 Community Collab
Friendship, Art, and Magic (6 Years) - Celebrated Derpibooru's six year anniversary with friends.

Cutie
@Morexis
I didn’t realize it’d be so difficult to find enough matching images. A potentially good way to alleviate it a bit would be to create or commission a set of character emotions to use for dialogue between the nsfw images. Kinda like how some animation youtubers use one character and "animate" their words/emotions by sliding through slightly different character expressions. Doing it yourself with Inkscape wouldn’t be terribly hard either, you can trace a lot of character models straight from the show and play around with different faces in a very time effective manner.
Something like that might add a little more foundation to the scene and the character the player is interacting with. Just a idea.
Glad the other critiques were helpful, its a shame the voice part didn’t work out but this one was good even without it.
Goodluck on the next one, I’ll be sure to check it out!
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Morexis's avatar
Morexis
Artist

@Cinderfall
Thanks for the feedback!

I absolutely agree with your critiques on the script and the end game buttons. I’ll do my best to improve that.

However, your point with the images is a difficult one. I’ve already downloaded about 1,200 images for these games and I still often find myself searching for a fitting image. My image choice is so restricted that I don’t really have the freedom to further restrict myself like you proposed. Doing that would ultimately lead to repetitive images which I don’t think is a good solution.

As for your final point with the inclusion of the name, that’s actually pretty easy to do in the program I’m using. The only reason I didn’t implement something like this, is because, for most of the working process, the JOIP was supposed to include a voice actress, which obviously wouldn’t have worked with the name.

Well, thanks again for the comment. The next game is already in the making. ;)
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Cinderfall's avatar
Cinderfall
Artist
Helpful Owl - Drew someone's OC for the 2018 Community Collab
Friendship, Art, and Magic (6 Years) - Celebrated Derpibooru's six year anniversary with friends.

Cutie
Goodjob, it’s a shame we don’t have more JOIs, or JOI games for mlp. Glad to see someone doing it.

Just a few critiques I had after playing through it once.

Sticking to anthro, humanized, or pony: Since this is, to some extent, supposed to be a continuous scene, the art you select should probably be consistent to a single body type, and if possible one art style. Its a bit jarring to go from Enormously big tittied anthro shy, to hyper petite, to pony, to etc, etc. With that, if a viewer ends up sitting through a body type or art quality they aren’t into for 30 seconds to 2 minutes they aren’t likely to trust the game to deliver images that are to their liking in the future. That mistrust turns the excitement of "oh whats next?" into "please be something decent, my pants are already down." that’s not the feeling you want to create with image scrolling JOIs. Consistency is key

Script needed editing and revising: The main problem with the dialogue is that a lot of it feels stiff and out of character. Lines like "So how about you stroke very slowly for these tits for one and a half minutes?" are pretty jarring given how inorganic they sound, and how it isn’t the way FS the character would communicate that request. Improving your dialogue is pretty easy to do though, just read through the words out loud or with a TTS reader, and see if they feel natural to say. This is harder if you’re not a native speaker, but there are patterns to normal English dialogue that feel awkward if not present. If you’ve ever watched Teen Titans, Starfire’s Dialogue is often intentionally written awkwardly because she’s an alien and as such doesn’t perfectly understand the natural patterns of English speaking.
Once you’ve read everything out loud and made the edits to make it sound natural, then read the lines silently imagining FS’s character speaking them. If something is out of character, it should become more obvious by imagining her actual voice saying the lines.

End game buttons: For scrolling JOIs you should keep in mind that as you get closer to the end, the player is going to be less and less able to interact with a mouse and keyboard, for obvious reasons. If you manage to get the player engrossed all the way up to the edging, it’s not a good idea to risk taking them out of it with button clicks or choices. Instead try to incorporate these choices earlier in the game when the player can interact more with the character.
Example
FS: "well, um, (player name) I’ve been wondering— what do you think is my- um hottest feature?" a, b, c, d
Player input: "b"
FS: "You think my b’s are cute?" >giggles "I had no idea"

Some time later
FS: "I know you’re getting close, just hold out a little longer… I want you to finish on my b"
Branch off to b ending without needing input

Also I’m pretty sure you can store a string input from the player for a name which you can bake into the lines of dialogue for a really awesome touch of having the character actually say the player’s name. Though I’m coming from Ren.py, this is a pretty standard feature on most text adventure builders, and it’s definitely worth looking into if you plan on making more.

That’s most of what I had to say. Hope it helps! Keep up the good work.
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Morexis's avatar
Morexis
Artist

@Endgame
The voice actress quit the project after I had waited for the recording for over a month… I’d love to do something with a voice actress but there are hardly any who are open to explicit scripts.

I’d love to stay in contact and exchange some JOIP plans and ideas. Particularly if you’re going to create one yourself now! :D
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Endgame
@Morexis
After seeing all the positive feedback on your last one, I probably will go start on a joip. I’m a bit tired of seeing the low quality ones everywhere else, so as they say, if you want something done right… Also would much rather see clop ones than anything else.
Honestly surprised there’s not been more in this area until now. Thanks for the encouragement! When I get time (hopefully soon), I’ll get on it.
Was the voice actress supposed to be part of this tease? What’re your plans for more in the future? If you’re looking for inspiration/suggestions…
Morexis's avatar
Morexis
Artist

@Endgame
Thanks for the nice words!
My first JOIP had a lot more options and a lot of paths but I wanted to try something simpler for my first time with the EOS editor.
I don’t know my way around milovana yet, but I’ll familiarize myself with it and try to be more active on there in the future.
Also, since you now know that JOIPs are welcome in the clop community, I’m waiting for your first one! :D
Endgame
Finding a clop tease on milovana was about the last thing I expected to see this morning. I think the only other clop I’ve ever seen on milovana was an anthro dash someone snuck in a hentai collection, once.
I really liked your tease a lot. It had fun pictures, good pacing, some different path options to choose, and reactions to user actions. And it passed all my checks on coding bugs and basic grammar or spelling (which a depressingly large amount of teases there just fail).
Some notes: the tease itself was fine, but more options/choices might be fun. By milovana standards, it’s a bit short and vanilla, but if you’re going for wider audience than just there that’s understandable. I’d put a warning either on the description page or the first page of the tease that it is pony based, as saying it’s clop wouldn’t mean anything to most people there, and could just piss people off when they see pony porn. And I always like it when authors give an estimated time that a tease would take, so putting that in a description would be really nice. Also, I know giving sources for the pics used would be a pain, but it’s really a good thing to do. You should also consider making a feedback thread on milovana itself, as most users aren’t going to follow a derpibooru link.
Honestly though, great job. I hope you do more in the future. I’d considered doing clop teases there before, but didn’t think they’d get any audience, or that they’d end up getting downvoted into oblivion, but I may end up doing some now. Though I’d really like to do a gay clop tease, but that’s probably too niche. I hope the ratings stay up on your tease!
Morexis's avatar
Morexis
Artist

@dualreason
You’ve brought up good points, however since I didn’t code the JOIP myself, I simlpy don’t know how or if I can implement them.
In the future, I will definetly pay more attention to your fourth point though. The pacing, flow and energy of the JOIP is far from perfect.
I think I can also find a way to deal with your second point. I could set it up in such a way that you have to press continue to advance to the next image/page.
As for the text and images, I don’t know how to make hyperlinks. For now, you have to copy paste the links into your browser.

Thank you very much for the extensive feedback, I’ll keep your points in mind next time. :)
Posted Report
dualreason
Wallet After Summer Sale

- The coding seems pretty solid, though imho it feels too rigid. For the timed parts, I’d suggest having a different key you have to press if you want to skip it. That way you avoid the issue of people inadvertently skipping right past it while still allowing players some freedom over their play-through.
– In that vein, a pause button may be appropriate too; right now images just advance on their own after a delay. I feel compelled to open another tab, browse for a while, then return to the game to see a random image since it effectively plays itself.
– Hyperlinking each image to the source (Derpibooru, Twitter, etc) would be appreciated to pay respect to the artists who made the artwork. The Ponyville Brothel had that issue too where you could find some great art in the app, but not be able to track down the original artist to find more
– I’d put this roughly in the category of Cock Hero video series, which has a lot of rapid scene transitions. At a minimum I’d expect the mandatory waits to increase in duration as you play. Having the first wait be a minute and a half (rather than like 10 seconds) I suspect would scare off a lot of players, particularly since the first image is SFW. I don’t suppose you’re collecting analytics on how far each user is getting into the game are you? Looking at those numbers may be a good indicator for how people interact with this and where they have issues.
– There are hyperlinks in the text at the end, are we supposed to be able to click those? I attempt to click the link and instead of opening a page, the next line of dialog appears
Comments21 comments posted