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Description
Evening at Fluttershy’s - a clop JOIP
The sweet Fluttershy has invited you into her home and prepared a little game for you. While you’re playing around, things take a dark turn as night falls over Ponyville.
Have fun playing it! Be sure to write a comment if you have any questions or ideas.
The sweet Fluttershy has invited you into her home and prepared a little game for you. While you’re playing around, things take a dark turn as night falls over Ponyville.
Have fun playing it! Be sure to write a comment if you have any questions or ideas.
If you don’t have a Patreon account, feel free to simply comment here with the ponies you’d like to see. That way, you can also rank them accordingly.
I’m excited to hear your suggestions! :D
@Cinderfall
AGAIN!
Its too late for this stuff.
THIS @Background Pony #F75B was meant for @Morexis
Sorry, meant to reply to @Cinderfall
Breddy good stuff, keep it up. As other said, clop on Milovana was an unexpected, but not unwelcomed sight.
>selection of pics
If you cant find pics that fit the tease, try it backwards - find a collection of thematically similair pics and write a tease around them. Just a suggestion.
>voice actress quit
Thats a damned shame. Fortunately I know for a fact that some people are trying to feed clips from the show to an algorythm/AI so it can spit out given sentences in the characters voices. Its taking forever tho, not sure how far did they got currently.
Anyway, looking up to other characters teases in the future.
Also, a simple spelling error, used ‘me’ instead of ‘my’ at single point in a tease.
I didn’t realize it’d be so difficult to find enough matching images. A potentially good way to alleviate it a bit would be to create or commission a set of character emotions to use for dialogue between the nsfw images. Kinda like how some animation youtubers use one character and “animate” their words/emotions by sliding through slightly different character expressions. Doing it yourself with Inkscape wouldn’t be terribly hard either, you can trace a lot of character models straight from the show and play around with different faces in a very time effective manner.
Something like that might add a little more foundation to the scene and the character the player is interacting with. Just a idea.
Glad the other critiques were helpful, its a shame the voice part didn’t work out but this one was good even without it.
Goodluck on the next one, I’ll be sure to check it out!
Thanks for the feedback!
I absolutely agree with your critiques on the script and the end game buttons. I’ll do my best to improve that.
However, your point with the images is a difficult one. I’ve already downloaded about 1,200 images for these games and I still often find myself searching for a fitting image. My image choice is so restricted that I don’t really have the freedom to further restrict myself like you proposed. Doing that would ultimately lead to repetitive images which I don’t think is a good solution.
As for your final point with the inclusion of the name, that’s actually pretty easy to do in the program I’m using. The only reason I didn’t implement something like this, is because, for most of the working process, the JOIP was supposed to include a voice actress, which obviously wouldn’t have worked with the name.
Well, thanks again for the comment. The next game is already in the making. ;)
Just a few critiques I had after playing through it once.
Sticking to anthro, humanized, or pony: Since this is, to some extent, supposed to be a continuous scene, the art you select should probably be consistent to a single body type, and if possible one art style. Its a bit jarring to go from Enormously big tittied anthro shy, to hyper petite, to pony, to etc, etc. With that, if a viewer ends up sitting through a body type or art quality they aren’t into for 30 seconds to 2 minutes they aren’t likely to trust the game to deliver images that are to their liking in the future. That mistrust turns the excitement of “oh whats next?” into “please be something decent, my pants are already down.” that’s not the feeling you want to create with image scrolling JOIs. Consistency is key
Script needed editing and revising: The main problem with the dialogue is that a lot of it feels stiff and out of character. Lines like “So how about you stroke very slowly for these tits for one and a half minutes?” are pretty jarring given how inorganic they sound, and how it isn’t the way FS the character would communicate that request. Improving your dialogue is pretty easy to do though, just read through the words out loud or with a TTS reader, and see if they feel natural to say. This is harder if you’re not a native speaker, but there are patterns to normal English dialogue that feel awkward if not present. If you’ve ever watched Teen Titans, Starfire’s Dialogue is often intentionally written awkwardly because she’s an alien and as such doesn’t perfectly understand the natural patterns of English speaking.
Once you’ve read everything out loud and made the edits to make it sound natural, then read the lines silently imagining FS’s character speaking them. If something is out of character, it should become more obvious by imagining her actual voice saying the lines.
End game buttons: For scrolling JOIs you should keep in mind that as you get closer to the end, the player is going to be less and less able to interact with a mouse and keyboard, for obvious reasons. If you manage to get the player engrossed all the way up to the edging, it’s not a good idea to risk taking them out of it with button clicks or choices. Instead try to incorporate these choices earlier in the game when the player can interact more with the character.
Example
FS: “well, um, (player name) I’ve been wondering– what do you think is my- um hottest feature?” a, b, c, d
Player input: ”b”
FS: “You think my b’s are cute?” >giggles “I had no idea”
…
Some time later
FS: “I know you’re getting close, just hold out a little longer… I want you to finish on my b”
Branch off to b ending without needing input
Also I’m pretty sure you can store a string input from the player for a name which you can bake into the lines of dialogue for a really awesome touch of having the character actually say the player’s name. Though I’m coming from Ren.py, this is a pretty standard feature on most text adventure builders, and it’s definitely worth looking into if you plan on making more.
That’s most of what I had to say. Hope it helps! Keep up the good work.
The voice actress quit the project after I had waited for the recording for over a month… I’d love to do something with a voice actress but there are hardly any who are open to explicit scripts.
I’d love to stay in contact and exchange some JOIP plans and ideas. Particularly if you’re going to create one yourself now! :D
Edited
Thanks for the nice words!
My first JOIP had a lot more options and a lot of paths but I wanted to try something simpler for my first time with the EOS editor.
I don’t know my way around milovana yet, but I’ll familiarize myself with it and try to be more active on there in the future.
Also, since you now know that JOIPs are welcome in the clop community, I’m waiting for your first one! :D
Edited
Edited
You’ve brought up good points, however since I didn’t code the JOIP myself, I simlpy don’t know how or if I can implement them.
In the future, I will definetly pay more attention to your fourth point though. The pacing, flow and energy of the JOIP is far from perfect.
I think I can also find a way to deal with your second point. I could set it up in such a way that you have to press continue to advance to the next image/page.
As for the text and images, I don’t know how to make hyperlinks. For now, you have to copy paste the links into your browser.
Thank you very much for the extensive feedback, I’ll keep your points in mind next time. :)
Edited
She’s the hottest mare!