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Previous >>2072905
>The mare turns and smiles at you before shutting the door.
BOOM BOOM BOOM
>It sounds like the creature is barreling down the hall, laughing as it does so.
>Just as it reaches your door the laughter suddenly changes to an unholy painful scream.
BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEP
>As the screaming faded, a beep came from outside.
>Everypony rushes to the windows.
>You look outside.
>Everypony is back!
>The streets are full of ponies!
>Where did they come from?
>Where were they this whole time?
>”Thank Celestia it’s over!” Taku exvlaims as she hugs you.
>Everypony is excited that everything is back to normal.
>But there is something you need to know.
>You open your door and look out into the hall.
>Nothing…
>The stain from the egg is gone too…
>”So uhh… Now what?” Cipher asks.
>That was a good question.
>”We go home I guess” says Paradise.
>”Move on or whatever”.
>”Well, we could just hang out for a little bit” Taku suggests.
>”I mean we just went through… all that… together. seems kinda silly to just go back to our lives just like that.”
>”Why not a party of sorts?” Moonie says.
>”It’s agreed.
>That night was great, you all went to a fancy Ramen place Moonies treat and just talked.
>You exchanged steam IDs and emails to keep in touch with everypony a the end of the night before they all went home.
>You, Taku and Wallflower decided to have a sleepover at your place. Apparently Wallflower didn’t live too far from you.
>Only like three streets down.
>As for the others they were all over the place.
>As time went on it seemed like you and your new friends seemed to forget those days everypony else disappeared.
>Only remembering when outings with them took you somewhere where something significant happened during that time.
>You never saw that strange mare again, or that filly.
>You still wonder about who they were.
>You’ll probably never know
>But there are a few other ponies you have gotten to know and become friends with and oddly enough you are thankful whatever happened gave you that.
>However…
>Every so often, everything goes real quiet, like it’s happening again.
>Everything goes back to normal shortly after you notice.
>You are never sure if i’s just you spacing out or if it really is trying to start again.
>But it never gets completely silent, and it’s always accompanied by that feeling you absolutely hate.
>Something is watching you.
END.
This project took a lot longer then I had originally anticipated and ended up somewhat different from what I originally wanted to do with it. However I still consider it a success, being my first long term project and that I actually managed to see it through to the end. It has flaws but I’m still proud of it.
>The mare turns and smiles at you before shutting the door.
BOOM BOOM BOOM
>It sounds like the creature is barreling down the hall, laughing as it does so.
>Just as it reaches your door the laughter suddenly changes to an unholy painful scream.
BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEP
>As the screaming faded, a beep came from outside.
>Everypony rushes to the windows.
>You look outside.
>Everypony is back!
>The streets are full of ponies!
>Where did they come from?
>Where were they this whole time?
>”Thank Celestia it’s over!” Taku exvlaims as she hugs you.
>Everypony is excited that everything is back to normal.
>But there is something you need to know.
>You open your door and look out into the hall.
>Nothing…
>The stain from the egg is gone too…
>”So uhh… Now what?” Cipher asks.
>That was a good question.
>”We go home I guess” says Paradise.
>”Move on or whatever”.
>”Well, we could just hang out for a little bit” Taku suggests.
>”I mean we just went through… all that… together. seems kinda silly to just go back to our lives just like that.”
>”Why not a party of sorts?” Moonie says.
>”It’s agreed.
>That night was great, you all went to a fancy Ramen place Moonies treat and just talked.
>You exchanged steam IDs and emails to keep in touch with everypony a the end of the night before they all went home.
>You, Taku and Wallflower decided to have a sleepover at your place. Apparently Wallflower didn’t live too far from you.
>Only like three streets down.
>As for the others they were all over the place.
>As time went on it seemed like you and your new friends seemed to forget those days everypony else disappeared.
>Only remembering when outings with them took you somewhere where something significant happened during that time.
>You never saw that strange mare again, or that filly.
>You still wonder about who they were.
>You’ll probably never know
>But there are a few other ponies you have gotten to know and become friends with and oddly enough you are thankful whatever happened gave you that.
>However…
>Every so often, everything goes real quiet, like it’s happening again.
>Everything goes back to normal shortly after you notice.
>You are never sure if i’s just you spacing out or if it really is trying to start again.
>But it never gets completely silent, and it’s always accompanied by that feeling you absolutely hate.
>Something is watching you.
END.
This project took a lot longer then I had originally anticipated and ended up somewhat different from what I originally wanted to do with it. However I still consider it a success, being my first long term project and that I actually managed to see it through to the end. It has flaws but I’m still proud of it.
Source
not provided yet
it’s fine, just a red flag to watch out for when you’re crafting a story. if my characters end up asking “so, what now?” I take that as a sign that there’s something wrong with my pacing, since “what now” should be obvious at all times, to them at least. except maybe at the end. which you did, so there’s really no problem.
trust me, not drawing it was a good call. I’m sure it would’ve been absolutely terrifying how you drew it, but you pulled off the terrifying unseen monster quite well. for all we know, it could have had an incomprehensible form that to gaze upon would drive the mortal mind stark raving mad.
don’t worry about leaving things out. I’m more impressed with how you brought in unknown elements like the beeping or the classroom. we may never know the story behind those things, but it makes your story richer for them being in there, even if your strategy was “I’ll have this cool beeping sound so they’ll wonder what it was.”
Yeah, the “So what now” was a rather poor reaction to returning home after all that, I couldn’t really think of a proper reaction and should have put more thought into it. As for “The Laughter” I did originally intend to depict it, however around the time I was attempting to I realized I had built it up a bit more then I intended to. First I decided to save it towards the end, occasionally working on designs for it. However I only ever managed to figure out how it’s face was supposed to look and nothing else and decided to leave it be up to the readers imagination. There were a few other things left out either because I felt they would have muddled the meaning of later events or I just simply couldn’t fit them in.
the only thing that’s really getting to me is what was that beeping noise? untold stories aaargh!
also -1 for a “so now what” but still 8/10