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3 comments posted
mellow closingrain
wannabe artist
Thank you U.That was what I needed, I’m working on an animation at the moment but I will look over my scripts.and try to improve on it.I will take my time to look over it, thank you for the comment.
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Background Pony #E1FE
Alright, i’m gonna bee blunt.

The reason why this gets downvoted so much is because poorly done in almost every way.
The story is incredibly incoherent, things happen for no reason (Like Rain suddenly having nightmares, the thing with the spider, The whole villain on the sun thing, Rains mother (if thats who this is) appears out of nowhere when shes supposed to have died infront of a nurse and the doctor.) Half of the stuff in the story has no point being there, while the story parts end up being confusing and weak.
You need to write the story out on a script first, leave out stuff that adds nothing to the story, proof read the script and see if it makes sense and if not, rewrite it. You have to know all the intricacys of your story and your sets before making the drawn parts. I remember you saying this was based off an rp, which im not so sure is a good idea for a newer writer. Adapting a writing into a comic would be hard enough, but you also have a source improvised by several people who are also new to this. If you wanted to use the same story it would require heavy editing to make it work.
One thing ill say is you have alot of potential as an artist, the drawings are solid and sometimes good. If you can consistently get into the good range youll be a great artist.
Lastly the grammar is absolutely awful. Im not sure if youre young or arent a native English speaker, but you need to learn better English. The most obvious problems are Capitalization, punctuation, spelling and dialogue.

TL;DR Your art is good but the story is sloppy.
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