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>tfw you're just bugbutt's backup friend when no one else can hang with her


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@Lawful Girly
I'm aiming to make it as hard as possible to misunderstand me, not to use big words for the sake of it.

I would not seek someone to spend time with. I would bounce around interacting with people just in the general day to day grind of things. Maybe strike up conversations with people around me at some concert or movie or something. If it's a good concert, then lots of people are looking to gush about what they love when they're outside for a break. If I click with someone and really enjoy interacting with them, then I exchange contact information and start a friendship. Making friends 101. It works a lot better than you think.

Look to spend time with someone, don't look for someone to spend time with. There's an important difference. The person is the important thing, not the activity. Sharing an activity leads to growth and both of your lives getting a bit better. Leeching off of someone to soothe your neuroses is parasitic, and is disrespectful to everyone involved.

Faking an interaction with someone to substitute for a connection is exactly what I'm arguing against. Why are you saying that that's what I'm arguing for? I thought I've been exhaustively clear on that point from square one, and I've been bending over backwards to be reasonable with you. Where is the miscommunication? How did you ever get this idea? Why are all your responses backhanded?
Lawful Girly
Not a Llama - Happy April Fools Day!

I, too, may use very formal diction. But permit me to explain it, pleasantly, in the form of a simple question-and-answer with elaborations thereupon, rather than a wall of text.

Q: Why would you ("you" in the generic sense) seek out a friend or lover in the first place, rather than be content with solitude?

A: Because you are lonely, and therefore need someone to communicate and interact with.

And if you have nothing in common with them, well, that's not only foolish of you to attempt to connect but ''more'' foolish of them to accept. I suppose, in that case, you do have something in common.

@Lawful Girly
I think I might be trying to explain it to you the wrong way. I'll break the idea into smaller parts. It's more text, but trying to communicate the larger ideas doesn't seem to be working that well, even with visual aids and examples.

The motivation required for a real friendship or dating relationship is wanting to spend time with the person because you like them, or want to get to know them.

Wanting to not be alone is a different motivation than liking a person or wanting to get to know them better.

This other motivation is selfish and reduces the other person to just an arbitrary placeholder that could be replaced by anyone. There is no respect for the other person involved in this motivation, as it is based entirely on one's own feelings, rather than building a bridge between two people or making a connection. There is no give and take involved, it's all take. This can fit into some definitions of objectification.

Using someone just to fill a void is not a healthy relationship, whether it's a friendship or a romantic/sexual relationship. For the purpose of my thesis, which of the two types of relationships it is is irrelevant.

@Lawful Girly
I have no insecurities…I don't want to be in a relationship. But gosh, you're right, screw having this thing called a "friend-ship", even when it has benefits.

What are you talking about here? This is the second time you've insulted me.

It sounds like you're having some trouble getting that the same basic principle this image and my posts are discussing applies equally to both kinds of relationships. Taking what I said and thinking that it means that I hate the idea of friendship should be absurd. I don't want to make assumptions, but I don't think I'm reading you wrong here.

Maybe you can sketch out your thought process and how you got to your conclusions a little more so I can understand where you're coming from better. Step by step, if you please.

I'll thank you to leave out the overreaching, very insulting assumptions this time, though.

Note that I'm going out of my way to try to be as clear as possible. It's still a bit more vague and general than I'd like, but I don't want to spend time going out and reading through sources to describe relationship dynamics. I think that'd be overkill at this stage.

I'm trying to communicate and make a connection here. This is an olive branch.

@Lawful Girly
I haven't had that much of a problem with RL relationships. You should stop projecting your insecurities on others. I'm just saying that a relationship of any kind, whether it's a friendship or boyfriend/girlfriend kind of thing, needs to have both sides genuinely wanting to spend time with each other, not just using the other to fill some kind of void as an easily-replaced role.

It's pathetic and arguably kind of scummy when a guy just wants to always have a girlfriend for the sake of having a girlfriend, and it's every bit as pathetic and kind of scummy when the genders are reversed.

The other person isn't a person to this kind of individual. They're a hood ornament. It lacks respect and humanity, and arguably models some kind of unhealthy relationships.

That's not hanging out with someone because they're a friend, that's using someone because you're lonely.

She deserves to be abandoned.